Now that all the original Star Trek episodes are available on Netflix’s watch instantly feature, I’ve began to notice that among the over sixty episodes spread across three seasons, there are really only five Star Trek stories as well. Furthermore, these five stories have been repeated ad naseum in the five additional tv series, eleven movies and countless books, comics and games that have been produced in the wake of the original program. While the existence of the five basic stories of western popular culture suggest that there is some collective cultural conscience evident in the popular western zeitgeist, the apparent repetition of five Star Trek plots over 45 some odd years of storytelling is a reflection of something else: cheapness.

Although the digitally remastered versions of the original series available on Netflix have fixed the laughable special effects that have caused the show to be the butt of so many jokes and parodies over the years, there are some corner cuts that even state of the art computer graphics can’t fix. Props, sets, costumes and even actors are re-used, redressed, and retweaked to be something else. You’ll notice the same backgrounds used as different planets, the same sets used as different places, the same music repeated over and over again, and even the same footage used to represent different. But the one element repeated most often in the original Star Trek series, are the plots themselves. So without any further ado, here are the five basic Star Trek stories.

1. The “Everyone Stare at the Big Blob on the Screen” episode

Whenever the producers didn’t feel like building any new sets, paying for new costumes, or casting new characters, they could always just rotoscope some big blob of crap on the viewscreen that flashes lights on the set and shakes the camera while Spock tells us how fascinating this cheap blob of crap is.

2. The “We found some cool costumes/sets on the NBC backlot” episode

Whether its Cowboys, Knights, Roman Gladiators, 1930s gangsters or even Nazis, the writers could always find some clever way to get the crew of the Enterprise onto some planet or time vortex built entirely out of shit left over from other shows with actual budgets.

3. The “Everyone has contracted some evil space disease” episode

Why beam the crew down to some expensive planet when you can have them contract some weird space disease that makes everyone go nuts. The crew will scream, yell, scrape at their skins and lash out violently at their crewmates…anything but build another paper maiche set!

4. The “We’ve found a wrecked ship that conveniently looks exactly like our ship” episode

Need a way to pretend that the same sets you see every week are actually a completely different location? Have the Enterprise crew find a wrecked ship that looks EXACTLY like theirs! You can tell that it’s a different ship because the lights are off and there’s people lying dead their workstations. Most of the time, it just looks like someone had a Klingon house party while Kirk was on shore leave. Extra points if the crew contracts the evil space disease FROM the ship that looks exactly like theirs.

5. The “This is actually surprisingly good and still holds up after all these years” episode

For all the critiques and jokes leveled at the original Star Trek, the fact remains that this is still a great show that holds up very well after all these years. So hop on Netflix and boldly go where lots of people have gone for 45 years. Engage!

B-Rock and his team handled this shit like champs

The left said we needed a trial, the right says we need to see the gruesome picture of Osama’s bullet-faced death stare. Admittedly, it was kind of a Judge Dredd moment of judge, jury and executioner. And don’t get me wrong, I’ll be the first asshole to download the Bin Laden death pic when it inevitably “leaks” (We have the death photos of Che and JFK, so rest assured fellow sickos, we’ll add Osama to our collection sooner or later). That being said, the assassination of Osama bin Laden is a perfect example of how capitol punishment should work. I’m a staunch opponent of the death penalty because it doesn’t work well. We spend tons of money feeding and clothing murderers and sickos while we figure out when and how to kill them. Fuck that. If we really think some fucker should be dead, why waste a minute or a nickel when a gunshot to the head and a couple shovels can take care of the job before the lunch break? In the case of bin laden, we’ve already wasted a decade and billions of dollars hunting this fucker down, so why waste another millisecond or hay-penny on a trial and a last meal? We know all too well what this fucker did and what he deserves. We gave it to him.

After a decade and billions of dollars, why waste another second or cent on this asshole?

As for the fact that Osama was unarmed, I say this: neither were the thousands of innocents he ordered to be slaughtered ten years ago this September. And Osama was no innocent, so who cares what he was doing when we whacked him? Even if he was praying for forgiveness or playing Mario Kart with his grandkids that doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t deserve another minute on this planet.

Hamlet hesitated to bring his foe to justice, and brought about his own demise

In Shakespeare’s tragedy Hamlet, the titular prince has a chance to kill his murderous and treasonous uncle Claudius midway through the play. But evil King Claudius is unarmed and praying for forgiveness at the time, so Hamlet hesitates. Hesitation turned out to be Hamlet’s tragic flaw, and because he hesitated to bring Claudius to justice, he brought apart his own demise. President Barack Obama and his heroic Team Six could have hesitated like the melancholy prince of Denmark, but they did not. And in doing so, Obama proved himself to be a Prince Hal rather than a Prince Hamlet. Prince Hal became the victorious King Henry the Fifth. Hamlet is fucking dead and so are all his friends and family. So villains be warned by the example we have set with the assassination of Osama bin laden. You will not be given mercy or quarter, only justice. I’m proud to be an American this week, I’m proud to have voted for Barack Hussein Obama, and most of all I’m proud not to be one of the whining pussies trying to ruin this awesome moment in American history. But let us not revel in the death of one man, but celebrate the victory of another. Go B-Rock, you rock.

Most people are familiar with the old adage, “If you’re conservative as a youth, you have no heart, and if you’re liberal when you’re old, you have no brain.” But what about us who like the idea of having both a heart and a brain for their entire life? Here’s a guide to my new outlook on life: Liberativism. Here are the tenets of this new ideology.

Abortion:

I support a woman’s right to choose not because I give a shit about anyone’s rights, but because every abortion is one less unwanted child my tax dollars have to spend to send through orphanages, schools and prisons. If mom and dad can’t pay for a child, why the fuck should I have to it?

If we don't let gays adopt, who will take care of all the kids the religiots won't abort?

Gayness:

Religidiots say that gayness is a disgrace to God. Bullshit, gayness is one of God’s greatest gifts to humanity. It’s called population control Pastor Douchenugget. Every dick in an ass is one less dick impregnating someone with another baby whose just gonna breathe my air and make it harder for my kids to get into college. These same religious assholes say gays shouldn’t be able to adopt kids. Bullshit, we need the gays to adopt all of the unwanted kids who you religious retards failed to abort.

Racism:

I’m against racism not because I love all of mankind but because there are far better reasons to hate your fellow humans than the color of their skin. Really? Race? That’s the only reason you can think of to despise your fellow man? Don’t hate people because they’re black or white, hate them because they’re assholes.

War:

Drugs:

Legalize ‘em, not because they’re good, but because they make money. Why SPEND money stopping drugs when we GET money leaving people who want to exercise their god-given right to ruin their lives the fuck alone. Furthermore, why are we letting drug cartels and gang-bangers get our all the drug money when it could be going to lowering the deficit. Snoogans.

Immigration:

Let everybody in baby! Not because everyone deserves a shot at the American dream, but because no one wants to clean their own toilet. And I’m not the kind of person who thinks that immigrants are the only ones who will do these jobs, they’re just the only ones who will do them without all the fucking attitude.

Prostitution:

I’m against human sex trafficking, not because I think paying for sex is bad, I just think we should treat our prostitutes better than that. They’re some of the hardest working folks on the planet. Plus, saying that prostitution is illegal unfairly implies that there is a difference between paying a woman for sex and marrying her.

Education Funding:

Quite frankly, we need to pay our teachers a decent wage. Not to support the teachers we already have, but to root them out and attract more qualified people to replace them. Because let’s face it, if teaching was a decent job, most of the people who are now teachers wouldn’t be qualified. That’s why they’re working a dead end job like teaching.

The Arts:

We need to spend more time teaching people about music, dramatics, and literature. Not because the arts are great, most art is pretentious crap, but because kids need an outlet to express their awful thoughts and feelings. Let our kids draw pictures of tits and people getting their arms ripped off. They’re already thinking it.

So there you have it, Liverativism, the only political ideology bound to piss off everyone. Because the only way to tell you have truly refused to compromise your ideals is if everyone thinks you’re an asshole, even yourself.

The Israelite's Temple is Destroyed

Channukah, a time to celebrate how the Children of Israel overcame one of their greatest historical challenges, the destruction of their sacred temple. But perhaps this Festival of Light can provide us a moment to contemplate Israel’s greatest modern challenge, making peace with her troubled Palestinian brothers. Israel has undoubtedly remained stubborn around key points of contention in the ongoing dispute over the sovereignty of the Holy Land. However, this is NO EXCUSE for the continued refusal of the Palestinian leadership to adopt peaceful strategies towards achieving freedom.

Martin Luther King Jr. and Mohatama Gandhi proved you could free whole nations of people without raising a single hand in violence. It is no coincidence that Gandhi’s India is on track to become the economic powerhouse of the 21st century and King’s America elected its first black President while Arafat’s Palestine has no water for it’s children. Instead of following in the footsteps of King and Gandhi, the Palestinian leadership prefers retracing the paths of Charles Manson and Osama Bin Laden.

The international community and the American left wing are equally culpable for buying into the constant stream of garbage spewing from the Palestinian propaganda machine. Jewish boys are called Nazis and their dedication to assuring the safety of their mothers and fathers is called an “occupation.” This kind of dangerous hyperbole continually derails the peace process and stokes the fires of world antisemitism.

Jews portrayed as Nazis? Anti-Semitism isn't dead, it's simply evolved to a sickening perfection.

Europe gave the Jews Israel to prove they were not antisemitic. In reality, the international community simply handed the Jews the world’s greatest problem, and now revel in blaming the Israelis for failing to solve it. Like when Medieval Jews were forced to become bankers, then cheated by Popes and Kings to finance their Godless Crusades, and eventually marked with the stigma of being Shylocks, the World has once again given the Jews the job no one else wants to do, and then criticized them for doing it. For what purpose? To turn murderous Palestinian Jihadists who bring on the destruction of their own children and homes into heroes and martyrs.

Even Israel’s greatest ally, the United states, simply uses the Jews as political pawns. In domestic Presidential politics, support for Israel is parlayed into make or break electoral votes. That support is then converted into political collateral on the international stage to assure Israel remains the West’s last line of defense against the outbreak of total war in the middle east.

Certainly, Israel must re-evaluate its settlement protocol and make key compromises to move the peace process forward. In the meantime the Palestinians must lay down their weapons, the international community must acknowledge its continued legacy of antisemitism, and the American Left needs to stop muddying the water with it’s sickeningly uninformed rhetoric. Until these conditions are met, there will be no Palestine on any maps.

007 plays a high stakes video game with Emilio Largo

If video games are the ultimate expression of male fantasy wish fulfillment, then it should be no surprise that ladies man/human weapon James Bond 007 has become one of the most popular video game characters of all time. At last count, there have been as many James Bond video games made since 1983 as there have been James Bond movies made since 1963. They have gone from beep boop Atari pixelfests to big budget productions starring real James Bond actors like Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Christopher Lee, John Cleese, and even Sean Connery himself. Some of these newer games have been pretty solid, but anyone who’s ever picked up a controller will tell you that the greatest James Bond game of all time is the Nintendo 64 shooter Goldeneye64.  For years, Bond fans and gamers alike have been hollering for a re-release of this classic game. Some have even taken it upon themselves to create unofficial Goldeneye ports in other game engines, such as the Half-Life total conversion Goldeneye Source.

Goldeneye 64

Goldeneye Source on the Half-LIfe 2 engine

Since Rareware, the company that developed the original N64 game no longer has the license to release James Bond titles, the original game cannot be re-released. Activision, the game company that currently holds the license, has made a bold move to satisfy Goldeneye fever by announcing that they have re-imagined the game as a modern Daniel Craig James Bond adventure. At first blush this seemed a dream come true for fans of the original, but now many gamers and Bond fans are starting to express reservations. The 2004′s Goldeneye sequel Goldeneye: Rogue Agent was one of the most disappointing Bond games in years.  Also, Activision’s track record with the James Bond license is iffy. They’ve only released one Bond game, Quantum of Solace, which displayed little panache or innovation. Plus, the new Goldeneye’s Wii exclusivity severely limits the game’s graphical potential. Early screenshots look dark and blocky. Of course, we can’t fairly judge whether the game lives up to its lofted name until we got some nunchucks in our hands and try it out. In the meantime let’s brush up on our James Bond video game history!

Daniel Craig stars in the Goldeneye WiiMake

The 007 brand is one of the most coveted licenses in the industry. As such, the right to produce James Bond games has switched hands many times over the years. The first firm to hold the license was gaming powerhouse Parker Brothers. Parker Brothers gave 007 his video game debut in 1983′s James Bond 007, a sidescroller for early consoles and computers such as the Atari 2600 and Commodore 64. Domark continued with a line of action games based on James Bond movie titles throughout the rest of the 1980s. Many of these games featured a mix of shooting and driving levels, a tradition which would continue in many subsequent Bond games. Domark’s 007 swan song was the polished platformer James Bond the Duel, a challenging game with a rad soundtrack, a primitive cover system, and character animation that captured Bond’s style fairly well. In the early 90s, the point click graphic adventure Operation Stealth was adapted into the 007 game James Bond: The Stealth Affair. With the exception of some Eurocom James Bond Jr. platformers, 007 remained dormant as a video game character for much of the 90s.

007's only point and click adventure, The Stealth Affiar.

The 90s were an even tougher time for Bond fans movie fans. For six years, moviegoers had gone without a James Bond movie adventure. But when James Bond made his cinematic comeback with 1995′s blockbuster Goldeneye, its  video game counterpart changed the industry forever. Until Goldeneye 64‘s release in 1997, PCs were the primary platform for first person shooters. This precedent was established by the enormous, genre-defining success of iD software’s Doom in the early-nineties. Multiplayer was only possible over dial-up internet or a local area connection. The popularity of Goldeneye’s four-player split-screen local gameplay shifted that paradigm for a generation. Now the most popular first person shooters are console games such as the Halo and Gears of War titles.

007 makes his Sega Genesis debut.

EA's Goldeneye sequel didn't live up to its lofted name.

Rareware went on to develop Perfect Dark, and handed the James Bond license off to Electronic Arts. For years, EA tried to recapture the success of the original Goldeneye with a slew of James Bond first person shooters. Like Star Trek flicks, these games were good every other time. Their first, The World is Not Enough, was a decent clone of Goldeneye 64. Their next, Agent Under Fire was the first game to take advantage of the Playstation 2, but failed to capture the Bond feel. Nightfire remedied that problem, and boasted the most fleshed out original Bond storyline of any game until that point. The PS2 version featured some solid driving missions, the levels were sprawling and detailed, and the weaponry was varied and realistic. It was also the first Bond game to feature a cinematic title sequence with an original song. Unfortunately, EA’s next and final foray into the FPS Bond game was the afore-mentioned Goldeneye: Rogue Agent disappointment. In the game you play a former M16 agent with a golden eye who teams up with Bond’s old foe Goldfinger. It was as stupid as it sounds.

EA's From Russia With Love lets gamers play as Sean Connery in his prime

After the Rogue Agent let-down, EA returned to the drawing board and crafted two of the most epic Bond games ever, Everything or Nothing and From Russia With Love. The engine used in both games was an innovative third-person cover system coupled with a smooth hand-to-hand combat system. For their time, the production values really shined. The games featured photorealistic recreations of James Bond, Pierce Brosnan in Everything or Nothing and Sean Connery in From Russia With Love. From then the torch was past to Activision, who released Quantum of Solace on XBox360 and Playstation and are currently working on a new game with an original storyline: Blood Stone. Will Activision reactivate the success of the original Goldeneye, or will it prove a disappointment? No matter how the new game turns out, one can only hope that the original version will one day see the light of day once more.

Let’s face it, there is nothing more satisfying than watching a film’s villain fall to their death. In the history of cinema, villians have fallen off cliffs, skyscrapers, bridges, space stations, radar dishes, volcanoes and all sorts of other crazy shit. Throughout the years, falling to your death special effects have advanced significantly. In the days of Alfred Hitchcock, falling death effects were achieved with a clever mix of matte paintings, rear projection shots, dummies, and clever editing. These days chroma key technology, computer generated “digital doubles” and other technological advancements have refined movie falling death scenes to a fine art form. But with so many death falls, it’s hard to sort out the best. Here’s a special guide to

The Top 5 Bad Guy Death Falls

5. Christopher Lloyd as a Klingon in Star Trek III

Captain James T. Kirk has had a bad day. His ship is destroyed, his son is dead, and his best friends have literally lost their minds. So when Klingon Captain Christopher Llyod tries to pull him into a huge pit of lava, he has no choice but to face kick him to his death. “I…have had enough…of YOU!!!”

4. 006 in Goldeneye

Alec Trevelyn and James Bond were once best friends—good old 006 and 007. But when Alec decides to  become an evil supervillian, 007 has no choice but to drop him off a radar dish and watch him go splat.

3. Emperoror Palpatine

The evilest dude in the entire galaxy gets thrown down an elevator by his own apprentice, Darth Vader.

2. Fry in Saboteur

Hitchcock was the pioneer of the bad guy death fall. The combination of rear projection and matte shots used to produce the effect of the film’s villain tumbling from the Statue of Liberty is still impressive thanks to HIitchock’s nailbiting pacing. View a clip here.

1. Alan Rickman in Die Hard

Hans Gruber’s fall from Nakatomi Plaza at the climax of Die Hard is perhaps the  seminal blue screen bad guy death. Couldn’t find a good clip of it on the net, but it’s on TV all the time and always in the Wal Mart DVD bargain bin.

So that’s my top five. What are yours? Feel free to flame on mine.

Unanswered Questions

Now that Mr. Greene has been pushed into the national limelight, the press is trying to get to the bottom of at least three fishy aspects of the candidate’s past. First, how did a man with no job raise the $10,000 filing fee required to run for Senate? Accusations and speculations are running wild as to where this money came from. Greene’s answer is refreshingly simple: He saved his own money for several years. It may be difficult for our credit line busting populous to comprehend, but maybe there’s still someone out there willing to hunker down and save for something he thinks is important. It’s still probably too early to tell what the real story is with that $10,000, but in this fast-paced political and media landscape, answers can’t be too far down the line.

The second troubling enigma in the Alvin Greene for Senate controversy is the circumstances surrounding his discharge from the armed services. After 13 years serving in the Air Force and then the Army, Greene was given an honorable discharge, but it was involuntary. When asked why the discharge was involuntary, Greene stumbles around an answer, never quite offering a satisfactory response. Hopefully the smoke will soon clear in this matter as well.

The third controversy is also the most troubling. Alvin Greene has been charged, but not convicted, of felony obscenity. His crime? While sitting next to a college student in a library, he showed her some pornographic pictures he was looking at, and suggested they go visit her room. Pretty creepy behavior, but felonious? Reality check America: she was 18 and he never touched her. If we took every man who tried to fuck a college student and put them in jail, we would bring society to a grinding halt. Trains would stop moving, the electricity would go out, our national defenses would go down and we would probably get nuked by North Korea. Personally, I don’t trust anyone who wouldn’t try to fuck a college student.

Alvin Greene hasn’t opened up on these issues to the press. Neither MSNBC nor Fox News can get a straight answer out of this guy. And yet, nothing at all is better than what Greene’s opponent Jim DeMint has to say about the issues. DeMint wants a country where children pray in school, every illegal immigrant is immediately deported, people are forced to speak English, and a woman doesn’t have a right to choose what to do with her body. Even if Alvin Green were a CONVICTED felon, the choice would still be clear:

Alvin Greene for Senate

With the American release of the new OSS 117 film (a series of French spy spoofs), and the burgeoning popularity of F/X’s animated comedy Archer, the secret agent parody genre is seeing a bit of resurgence. In accordance with this exciting new development, I have listed here, for your intellectual enrichment, the top ten James Bond parodies of all time.

10. The Scorpio Episode of The Simpsons

It seemed as though Homer Simpson had finally found a boss less evil than Mr. Burns. But it turns out that the charming and generous Hank Scorpio was actually a far greater super-villain, replete with his own secret agent nemesis, “Mr. Bunt.”

Hank Scropio VS. Mr. Bunt

9. No One Lives Forever (it’s a video game)

I never knew shooting guys in fez’s could be so fun until I played this swinging video game and it’s awesome sequel.

I don't really remember this weird part, but boy this game sure is funny!

8. What’s Up Tiger Lily?

Woody Allen dubs funny dialogue over an actual Japanese spy movie—sort of Mystery Science Theater meets racism.

7. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

I’m just going to put pictures from actual James Bond movies and pretend I thought they were from Austin Powers. That’s how spot on they nailed 007 in the first one.

Yeah Baby!

Throw me a fricking bone.

Just puttin' this in for no reason.

6. For British Eyes Only

Even though Charlize Theron’s character was an MRF (Mentally Retarded Female) she was still more intelligent than most James Bond leading ladies in the “For British Eyes Only” story arc of Arrested Development.

5. Archer

I’m sure Archer will climb even higher on the ranking as this fricking awesome new show continues to dominate your shit.

4. Our Man Flint

Of all the 007 knockoffs, spoofs, and parodies that were released in the spymania of the mid-sixties, this is the only one that kinda, sorta, almost holds up.

Flint kicks a guy in the face. Did this really need a caption?

3. Get Smart! (the show)

Not the movie. I’ll put that on another list. A list of things that are stupid.

2. OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies

If you squint your eyes and laugh hard enough, it almost looks like this movie stars Sean Connery. Spot fucking on.

1. Any James Bond Movie With Pierce Brosnan or Roger Moore

That’s right, when it comes to parodying James Bond, nobody does it better than the real James Bond himself, who was a parody of himself for like, thirty years or something. Christopher Walken wrestling with Grace Jones? A laser battle in space? Jaws turns good? An invisible car? Really? An invisible car. For chrissakes.

In a shocking development, hardcore Mac fanboys were disturbed to find out that even though the iPad tablet computer was only released this morning, Apple is already dropping the price. This has left the many diehard Mac fans who lined up early this morning to be among the first to get their hands on the new device, extremely upset.

“This is really not the way you’re supposed to treat your most loyal customers. I was so excited about the iPad that I bought it this morning for $800, and then two hours later they dropped the price to $500. It’s totally unfair,” complained a loyal Apple customer.

PC users and other Mac haters are delighted at the development.

“Well maybe this will convince those Apple fanboys that they shouldn’t go out and buy every single little butt plug that Mac comes out with on the first day, said one iPad basher.

“They should call it the IPaid, too much becasue I’m stupid,” said another.

The head of the Anti-Apple group iPac, or Individuals Protesting Apple Crap was slated to issue an official statement on the matter, but couldn’t because his Windows-based laptop that costs more than an Ipad crashed this morning, and he spent the entire day arguing with the guys at Fry’s Electronics.

I know what most people are thinking, “Wow, that’s a shame.” NO, it’s not a shame, it’s an unconscionable disaster, a fundamental societal crisis which threatens to destroy the very fabric of American life. What would happen if we started laying off soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq? Would that be a shame? No, it would be a threat to the security of the free world. What if we started laying off Supreme Court Justices? Would that be a shame? No, it would signal the downfall of our system of justice. What if we started laying off Congress? Would that be a shame? No, it would grind our nation’s lawmaking to a halt. What if we laid off the Secretary of State? The head of the EPA? What if we laid off the President? Would we sigh and say “what a shame” if those people were laid off? No, there would be riots in the streets and civil unrest like nothing the nation has ever seen because those positions are vitally important to ensuring our fundamental freedoms.

Well-paid, well-educated, well-trained, and well-situated classroom teachers are JUST AS ESSENTIAL to ensuring our freedoms as soldiers, lawmakers, judges and police officers. In actuality, they are MORE IMPORTANT, because you can’t have decent soliders or politicians if there’s no one left to educate them. Every day I see teachers burning away their zeal and idealism as they fight an uphill battle against  larger class sizes and smaller budgets, refusing to give up even though they know that at any moment they could lose their jobs. The modern American teacher has taken on the role of Sisyphus, the mythical character eternally condemned to push a stone up a steep hill only to see it tumble to the ground when he finally makes it to the top, and then forced to repeat the cruel ritual over and over again into eternity. And despite this tremendous adversity the American teacher keeps pushing that stone up the hill. Why? Because it’s their job, and they are determined to do it.

Meanwhile, our country and our state are being governed by people who are NOT DOING THEIR JOBS. Our legislators and elected officials can’t pass a budget, can’t pass health care reform, can’t help people with their mortgates, can’t get us out of Iraq and Afghanistan, can’t work together, can’t do anything. And we pay these people. We pay their salaries, we pay for their health care. We pay to give them all the things they can’t figure out how to give us. Not only is this absurd, it’s IMMORAL. People say that giving money to failing schools is “subsidising failure.” If so, then continuing to allow our tax dollars to pay for the welfare of powerless elected officials is subsidizing not only failure, but hyprocisy, selfishness, cynicism, and immorality. So let’s start laying THEM off instead. Let’s send pink slips to the governor of California and our state legislators. Let’s send pink slips to every member of the United States Senate and House of Representatives. Because in the end, what are layoffs supposed to be for? Getting rid of the dead weight in a given organization. And right now our government  is the dead weight in America, not our teachers.